It
was definitely going to be a boy.
Mom and Dad were talking about it at dinner. Mom had taken some test to see that there were “no
complications” with Baby-X and she’d just gotten back the results. The biggest complication for Baby-X was
that he was going to be born into this dumb family.
My
teenage, mall-rat sister, Clymene, asked them what they were going to name
Baby-X. They wouldn’t say. I suggested Max or Bix. Clymene reminded them that I’d wanted
to name our dog Max or Bix. She
was pushing for Ajax, Argus or Ares.
I told them if they wanted to go for a phony and pretentious Greek
mythology name, like Clymene, they should go with Charon, since clearly this
baby would be crossing into hell.
Mom was miffed. But Dad
laughed and said they would take our suggestions under advisement and let us
know. Sure thing.
This
name thing with Clymene and I went way back. She says she’s named after a Greek goddess because Mom and
Dad were still in love when they had her and spent a lot of time thinking about
names, while I was an accident and they just slapped on the first thing that
came into their heads. But my dad
says they named me Daisy because his aunt Daisy, who was a famous flapper that
was the toast of the town, whatever
that means, had just died, and someday I would understand—like that’s some
excuse. No offense if you’re named
Daisy too, but Daisy is a stupid name.
When
we got back from Moken Island, which you can read about in the first book, I
had to jump right into school. I’d
missed a couple of weeks. You’d
think maybe after you’d been ship wrecked, fought off pirates, recovered a
stolen treasure and survived a typhoon or two, people would give you
credit. Not likely. Sixth grade cliques had formed faster
than buboes on a plague victim. I
was thrown in with Lucia Sarir and Ted Morgenstein.
Ted
I knew from third grade. Lucia was
a new student. She had yellow hair
and thick glasses and was thin and shy and hardly said anything to anybody. I think her parents were from another
country, because she wore slightly weird clothes, like they were purchased in a
department store in Bulgrungastan or something. She got picked on constantly.
On
my second day back, Ted, Lucia and I got lumped together for a geography project. That was fine with me because, even
though Ted has a cool-rating of below zero, he’s the brainiest kid in the class
and it turned out Lucia, once she got over being shy, was clever and funny and
had a nutcase, high-pitched giggle that cracked me up. Plus she had a butterfly collection and
played killer chess.
Being
back in civilization was weird. I
think it was for all of us. Mom
seemed perpetually grumpy and skittish, Dad remote and prone to sighing,
Clymene, who had lost twenty pounds on the island and looked like a super
model, was in boy-crazed hyper-drive.
She linked up with Todd the Toad again, but it was clear from Facebook
and texting traffic that she was enjoying her newfound thin-girl status.
One
day, after school, Todd pulled up beside me in his car and asked if I wanted a
lift home, cause he was going that way.
Like sure. Like I’m going
to get into a car with this nit.
And even if it was okay, why would I want to get in the middle of one of
Clymene’s boy-dramas? As it was I
had her cross-examining me all evening.
“What did you say to him?
Were you rude? Did you act
like a moron? What did he
say? His exact words? What was his tone? Did he make any faces?”
Gees,
chill already.
Two
days later, Todd the Toad came over to take Clymene out, like on a date or
something, except Miss Mall-Rat was running late. So Mom had Todd sit in the living room and wait and when I
walked by he started talking to me.
He was actually polite and funny and we talk about teachers he
remembered from sixth grade, and books we liked, and other stuff, but of course
I had to wonder why he wanted to hang out with my sister. When Clymene finally came down, it was
like I became invisible and then they went out.
Later
that night, Clymene snuck in. I
got up for a drink of water and saw her in the bathroom, staring at the mirror,
looking forlorn or something. She
started telling me about how confusing boys were but how they were so great too
and the trouble was they were all so beautiful that it was just impossible.
I
started laughing. “You are so
wrecked, Clymene. Wait till I tell
Mom.”
Oh,
she got so mad. You should have
seen. She was hissing like a snake
and threatening to cut me in pieces and leave me at the curb in black trash
bags. I just laughed harder. Then she laughed too, and got all
sentimental, and hugged me and said I was her favorite sister ever and we
should be friends because she could teach me so much about life.
Then
she started talking about how we were going to have a baby brother to take care
of soon and how hard that was going to be but how beautiful it would be
too. She was really wrecked. Pretty soon she started throwing
up in the toilet and I went back to bed.
Things
started happening fast after that.
I was supposed to have Lucia and Ted Morgenstein over on the weekend to
make a salt map of Mesopotamia.
Already we’d been labeled the “Odd Squad.” When I saw Martin Blindenbok making fun of Lucia in the
hall, I turned and walked the other way, so I wouldn’t be seen with her. I felt like a total creep
afterwards.
Martin
Blindenbok needed a good sock in the chops. So, okay, Lucia walked like a baby giraffe that didn’t quite
know how to stand on its legs, and her clothes were weird and she was shy to
the point of invisibility, but that’s no reason for Martin to follow behind her
and mimic her while everybody laughed.
When she turned, he pretended he wasn’t doing anything, while everybody
cracked up even more.
It
made me sick that I was such a coward.
I even pretend to laugh so they wouldn’t turn on me. How could I be so rotten? I used to face off with sharks and
pirates and now I was afraid to do anything. How low a worm could I be?
That
night, Clymene smashed up Mom’s SUV.
It was really late and everyone was asleep and Clymene must have been
really wrecked cause she just drove the thing full speed right over the lawn
and into the garage door. Some
neighbor called the police and they came over and Mom and Dad were out there in
bathrobes and when I came down to check it out they both yelled at me to get
back in the house this very instant.
Cly broke her nose, the nit.
She’s going to be grounded for like ten years or something, but of
course when I came down for breakfast and asked Mom what happened, Mom was all CIA
about it.
So
then I went off to school and socked Martin Blindenbok as hard as I could.
I
wasn’t planning on it. But when he
went up behind Lucia and knocked her books out of her arm, I yelled at him. And he said, “Oh, yeah? Protecting your dyke girlfriend?” Martin is a whole head taller than me
and weighs twice as much as me, but I didn’t care, I just let him have it as
hard as I could. His nose exploded
blood and he fell and hit his head on a locker and crashed down in a blob, out
cold.
Students
screamed and teachers came running and grabbed me. They even called an ambulance. Then later, when Mom picked me up, the principal told her
Martin appeared to be okay, like that was supposed to be some kind of good
news, and I blurted, “I hope he rots in hell.” Not a good move, Daisy.
☠
